Oh cleaning fairy - We know you're out there somewhere, Please come to our aid - We seriously need you

Ok, so we're currently attempting to pack our room up to move into the new place . . . . but we have hit a little speed bump, which looks rather like this -

DAD - CLOSE YOU'RE EYES - DONT LOOK

As our room came with no wardrobe or any storage at all we have been living out of our hopeless broken and tattered suitcases (which we wish to burn once we move into the Nags - we have formed a great amount of hate for these lime green and orange vessels of pain and misfortune) which means that all our crap is spread all over the place, we cant even see what is what, its very confusing.

Imagine . . .  you're getting ready for work, you need you're jeans. You look at the couch where you placed them ready for today, but the couch has been enveloped in a swarm of clothing - shit now where are they? You see the corner of something dark blue, you pull it, nope thats a sock, damn. You pick up some of the jumpers on top, makes absolutely no difference.

In a panic you toss through the whole pile throwing each unwanted item behind you and onto the floor - no success, the jeans are nowhere to be found. You're only other option is now the overflowing suitcases - meh. where do you start?

You scan the suitcase and floor around it for ANYTHING that resembles jeans . . . . nothing.

AH HAH! You spot something hiding underneath, in unmeasurable joy you launch yourself forward and grab it, you yank it out, yay it has legs - huh? DAMN IT, its a pair of stockings!

The frustration overwhelms you, you get angry "FUUUUUUUUCK" you get desperate, grabbing anything blue or even black . . . . scarf, singlet, that same sock from before, jacket, undies . . . .

You're  blood is now boiling, you're contemplating going to work half naked and spending you're whole shift explaining to everyone that back home in Australia on Mondays no-one wears pants, we all go to work in our undies and that its one of our most important traditions. . . . you sit on the end of you're bed in defeat, whats that bump under the doona? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! they were there the whole time, hahaha

- Ashley = 1  Tatty Suitcases  = 0

This is where packing everything up has become a problem, we just dont know where to start and we're a little worried we may be bitten by something during the process. only god knows what gremlins are lurking in that nasty pile of clothes.

To be totally honest, that photo is EXTREMELY embarrassing, but I believe in an accurate and genuine representation and description, so that is why I have shown it, everything in this blog is accurate and isnt exaggerated in any way . . .  the only way you guys can try and understand what we are experiencing is to see it all in its raw form - 100% original and if that means embarrassing and rough, then thats what you'll get, lol

Anyway, I better get back to the piles of crap I need to move into our new love nest - I will be back later today with some pics of our new place. Oooooh and some photos of the glorious burning ceremony that will take place soon after - Burn suitcases BURN

chat soon

- Ash xxx

If this place goes up in flames do I really want to die sitting on the dunny?

I was just sitting in the lounge room having a chat with 2 of my housemates and we somehow got onto the conversation regarding the fire alarm system our place is rigged with.

Being a 3 story home the place has one of those big control panels that indicates where in the house the alarm has been triggered and one of those pin pads to deactivate the alarm . . . .  however none of us know how to use the damn thing, nor is there any information in the house on who to contact if the alarm was going mental and we needed to shut it down.

As 90% of the house are smokers, and 99.9% of the smoking is done INSIDE the house, I asked how it is that the alarms aren't triggered when they smoke in their bedrooms?

After finding out that they all have the smoke detectors in their rooms wrapped heavily in cling wrap I freaked out a little and decided to check out Hayley and I's options in case the house was to go up in flames . . . . . . and they don't look so flash.

On the wall next to our bedroom door is the following sign -

Awww, isnt that handy  . . . .

The sign clearly states that in the event of a fire we are to leave our room, turn RIGHT and proceed down the stairs - HOWEVER - the stairs that lead down to the front door is actually on the LEFT hand side, hahahahaha

If we were to follow the 'Safety' sheet and turn RIGHT we would be walking straight into a spare toilet . . . .

YES I SAID TOILET

So my question to you all is, in the event of an emergency in unfamiliar surroundings, would you follow the evacuation procedures to the T or are you happy to die sitting on the dunny while the place goes up in flames around you?

The most comforting part is that Halz and I are moving out tomorrow (so unless there is a freak fire tonight sometime we are in the green) - yaaaaaaaay

So off to bed for me, big day tomorrow of packing, moving, cleaning & unpacking - oh the joys

Night all

- Ash xx

Kopparberg - You Bloody Rippa

Helloooooo,

After slaving away serving the needy population of Brentwood all day yesterday, Halz and I ventured down to the High Street on the good old, unreliable and ridiculously expensive 498 to get a few movies.

Let me just say that Saturday night in Brentwood High street is absolutely MANIC . . . . Its like everyone looses their marbles as soon as they enter the street.

People parking in the bus zone to run into the shops, so the bus then has to stop in the middle of the street to let passengers on and off, whilst honking his horn continuously just to express his frustration . . . .

Crazzeee and extremely intoxicated Essex 'ladies' screaming out from the pub on one side of the road to get the attention of the person they know walking on the opposite side . . . . .

Young 'women' wearing practically nothing, when its like 10 degrees outside, and wearing insanely high heels the size of stilts, which you would require a ladder to climb into and trying to maneuver  themselves along the cobblestone footpath, doing something that can only be described as the 'drunken giraffe shuffle' where each step is a cross between a deep lunge, a booty shake and a very subtle death wobble . . . .


Stretch hummers parked in the middle of the road for 30mins, disrupting the whole flow of traffic, just to deliver a bunch of V.I.P guests to the front door of 'The Sugar Hut'.

On that note, please PLEASE google the television show 'The Only Way is Essex' . . . . watch a bit and only then will you truly understand the kinds of people we deal with at work on a daily basis. The Sugar Hut is mentioned on the show alot, and this popular club just happens to be located in our High Street - yay for us  * Note Sarcasm *

So Brentwood High Street on a Saturday night is NOT a place for the sane and of sound mind.

After experiencing this wacky display of local weekend ritual we decided that we, without a doubt, required an alcoholic beverage, or 2, to help us deal with what we had just encountered.

And oh my lord, did we discover a beverage . . . . .

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls (when you turn 18, of course, this blog does not endorse the consumption of Alcoholic beverages by those under the legal age of 18 years . . . . . unless you stash it in you're bag and go on a 'movie night' at you're mates place, in that case - go for gold buddy!)

We have discovered a beverage so amazing, so refreshing, so DELICIOUS that the minute it hits you're lips the clouds open and a stream of light beams down from the heavens and illuminates you're soul, and for the next 20 minutes all you can hear is a choir of angels singing the theme song for KOPPARBERG'S PREMIUM CIDER . . . . . thats right people - Cider!

They sell it everywhere here in the UK, we even have cider on tap at the bar . . . . but this cider, it shits all over the others.

Koppaberg's Premium Apple, Strawberry & Lime cider is THE MOST amazing thing I have ever tasted . . . . it is so good in fact that I am going to buy a years worth of the stuff, contact the amazing crew at Raitt International Freight and get the glorious liquid shipped back to Coffs Harbour and store it in the garage at home . . . heads up dad, start clearing some space dude, there is some serious cider coming your way!


So I think it would be an accurate assumption to mark today as the birth of our new-found alcoholism, from this point onwards it will not be blood that pumps through our strong Australian veins, it will be the fizzy, fruity awesomeness that is KOPPARBERGS PREMIUM CIDER.

(Please note children: Alcoholism is BAD and we do not support the slow and damaging death caused by the excessive consumption of Alcohol and related products  . . . . however if you happen to get you're hands on some Kopparberg's, go for it champion, and share the love with you're mates too, spread the word!)

Oh and if there are any company representatives from Kopparberg who are currently reading this blog post, please contact my people to organise the payment for my marketing talents, I will expect my cheque in the mail - thanks mate.

On closing statement - KOPPARBERG - YOU BLOODY RIPPA!

And Im off to work . . .
I hate Sundays, freaking Brits and their Sunday Roasts  . . . . They all rock up to stuff their faces with delicious baked dinner goodness. And I mean ALL OF THEM, the whole town comes through our doors at some stage each Sunday.

The worst bit is that they all want the best bits from each kind of roast - Jeeezus people just choose 1 kind, don't come up to the bar to order and tell me that you want the lamb roast, but you also want some crackling on the side, and that you're wife wants the pork roast but with a yorkshire on the side and the kids both want the beef roast, but with stuffing on the side . . . . . . SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, JUST CHOOSE ONE KIND AND DEAL WITH THE TRIMMINGS THAT COME WITH THE BLOODY THING!!!  It takes like 20mins just to put one family's orders through . . . . and then at the end, they all want special drinks - FOR GOD SAKE!!

Oh and If I have to make one more bloody PIMMS I am going to scream and throw the bottle at them! IT TASTES LIKE SHIT ANYWAY


aaaannnnnnyyy way . . . Im out, time to go to work

Catch Ya Later peeps

- Ash xx

Important Announcement - Take note

Attention all . . . . I would like to make an important announcement regarding vitality and the value of something we all take for granted at times . . . . . .
A full and happy belly.

On arriving here in Brentwood, with very little money and an extremely unhygienic and poorly equipped kitchen, Hayley and I had to find a way of adequately feeding ourselves with a seriously tight budget and no tools of the trade.

Hayley's ingenious solution to our dilemma was something that was very cheap, tasty, filling, easily customised to suit the individual, easy to make & requires only milk or water and a heat source.

Yes people, I am talking about the one, the only, legendary . . . . . PORRIDGE

This simple box of oats has provided us with breakfast, lunch and dinner on many of the desperate occasion, and every time we have sat back after eating and were both satisfied and had a full and happy belly - IT CANT GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT!

So this short, but important post is just to say hats off to the unsung hero hiding in the back of everyones pantry, the legendary Porridge ~ Oh how we love you

So next time you're belly has a little grumble and is feeling a little neglected reach into the back of you're pantry, dust off the porridge box and whip yourself up some delicious warm porridge.

And when you're sitting back in you're chair dwelling in its awesomeness, think of us . . . . on the other side of the world, sharing you're love and appreciation for that amazing little box of oats.


Thank you for your time and attention

ARGH . . . No More Music - Please

Good morning . . . . If I could call it that to be totally honest

Halz & I worked till close last night, finishing at about 12:00 pm, after the delicious (and well deserved) maccas run we finally got home just after 1:00 am. Tired, full and aching we jump into our beds, off goes the light, down goes our heads . . . . . and BAM . . . . . on goes the doof doof music in the room downstairs

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

Now 2 nights in a row we have had to listen to Polish dance party music till 4:30 am accompanied by the continuous onslaught of very loud, very deep, Polish gibberish and a heavy bass line that vibrates up the wall.

Its so loud we could almost set up a strobe light in our room, throw some slutty velvet cushions on the beds, add a rather large bouncer at the door and charge people 10 pound to come and bust a move . . . .

Yes, this is a photo of me in bed, Please dont look too closely

The worst bit is that if I went downstairs to tell them to turn the S#*% off, they wouldn't understand a word I was saying . . . . I would just be some crazy Australian chick standing at their bedroom door wielding a baseball bat, with crazy bed hair, bloodshot eyes, steam coming out my ears and hollering english obscenities at them . . . . . would be pointless really

Once I finally got to sleep it was AWESOME . . . up until they turned it back on at about 9:30 this morning

 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Sooooooo . . . . . I have a plan.

Today I am going to download every Wiggles song that has ever terrorized and haunted the adult population and I am going to put them all into a glorious little playlist in my itunes, when 6:00 pm rolls around and its time for me to go to work I am going to hit my little continuous play button, turn the MO FO up as high as it will go, place my laptop in the centre of the room, lock my door and go to work   =D

TAKE THAT - MWAHAHAHAHAAA

Lesson learnt Polish dudes downstairs, do not mess with the Aussie girls precious sleepy time, they will punish you severely.

What a lovely start to the weekend, now I have had my morning rant, Im off to have a shower and some brekkie.

Chat later

- Ash xx

The Birth of the Blog . . .

Hey Hey Everyone,

Before we left Australia I kept going on about how I was going to start a blog, and I know it took me long enough to get it going but . . . . .

TAAAAAA DAAAAAAAA

Here it is, better late than never!

I will try and post some of the photos from our Scottish Adventure in March, when we first arrived in the UK, but you will have to be patient, we're working a fair bit at the moment & we are both sick with the flu so we will be a little slow on the up-take for a little while.

Also to top it all off we will be moving house (THANK GOD!!) in the next few days. As Im sure most of you would know from my ramblings on facebook since we arrived here in Brentwood the 'Staff House' which we currently reside has been a little 'interesting' to say the least.

We took a few photos on our arrival, which I am happy to share with you all . . . .

Our Lovely Loungeroom

So, as you can see, the house was a little rough for our standards, and we didnt know where to sit, stand, lean  . . . . . well anything really. So the first thing we did was go straight out the front door and went for a walk down to the local high street to explore our surroundings.

The Glorious Kitchen Sink 

The positive about this house is that it is being shut down on the 22nd of April, and we all have to find our own places to live. Apparently the house does not have adequate fire safety for the number of people residing in it (The count currently stands at 10 people, including us girls, from what we could count that is) so they have to kick everyone out and there will no longer be staff accommodation.

After all the panic of being homeless after the 22nd of April and emailing all the local real estate agents and people offering rooms in share houses, we found out from our managers at The Nags Head that they have made it possible for us to move into the room they have above the pub itself, which is awesome!

Sooooo . . . . earlier this week Halz and I went to work on our day off and cleaned out the room above the pub, ready to move into. At this stage all that is left in the room is a pile of old junk and broken deep fryers that need to be disposed of  . . . . once that crap is gone we can move in. And honestly, the sooner the better! Hopefully we will be in by the end of the week, fingers crossed :)

I know it all sounds pretty sad so far, but I would rather end on a positive note, and that would be our amazing pub! Although the staff accommodation is quite ghetto, the pub happens to be the polar opposite! The Nags Head is one of the most beautifully decorated pubs I have ever been in, the atmosphere in the place is just so warm and inviting. The perfect place for a romantic cosy dinner for 2 or a lovely family dinner. Take a look at our great website:

http://www.thenagsheadbrentwood.co.uk/ 

Im enjoying working in the bar, sometimes I get a little surprised with the drink choices, like Blush Cyder, Guinness & Black current and larger shandys (British men dont know what real men drink, clearly) and the looks on peoples faces when I open my mouth never gets old. LOVE IT

Speaking of work, I think its time I get myself ready for my shift. - WoOoOo

Chat soon! 

- Ash xx